The king of rock and roll died on the crapper.
The coolest man alive, forever remembered as a bloated bag of meat, blood and poop. The crooner on the crapper.
Where were his Angels, his subscribers? Rather than having a Twitter following, he is rewarded with a body of misinformed African Americans, exploited by a system Elvis barely understood, full of of displaced anger, and I'll- informed demanding recompense for egregious exploitation from a man who barely understood the recording process.
Different ways of dying. Suicide
At least when you off yourself you can dress up for the occasion. Something suicide chic.
I don't often drink beer. But, when I do, I prefer to get shit faced. The most interesting man in his head.
I ate some Mexican last night. Now I've got herpes and I'm grabbed a cannibal.
I left my poem, at home
Person 1: Why does everything happen to me?
Person 2: Because that way, the rest of us don't get hurt.
I'm single. (Crowd applauds and whoops) I assume your applauding the fact that there is almost no chance that I'll ever procreate.
Put your money where your mouth is? I say, put your mouth where my money is.
My girl Serrina. She is of negroid extraction. I think I can say extraction, since I'm dating a darkie.
Guest arriving at a church Potluck supper: I may have brought more food then necessary, so please, once you've eaten your fill, think of the starving children in my basement.
There are no stupid questions. Yes there are, the Internet provides us with 1,000,000's of examples
There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers... they are also on the Internet.
Q. Where do we go when we die?
A. Any answer doesn't say in the ground to feed worms, is an idiotic answer.
I was abroad for 3 months last year. Now I'm a dude again.
He was born a man, but died abroad.
Epitaph- He filled his life with painted whores, now fills this grave with weeping sores. ( Or, and thus succumbed to weeping sores. )
If you can quote more biblical verses than you can passages from Tolkien's work, or even Peter Jacksons horrific butchering of his works,.. You are fucked.
People think they are entitled to an audience or following just because they own a "device".
#antisocial
Where'd you get that?
The Internet.
I find that quip both saddening and profound.
There is no need to establish a relationship with any of your local merchants anymore - just purchase it from some pixel on your phone.. The corner store is a UPS truck. And soon to be a 3d printer in your garage. I don't care what generation you're from, that's sad.
#getanofflinelife
#getofflinegetalife
A guy dives to the Poseidon/Titanic and steals a battery. He was charged with possession of a salty battery.
What's your opinion on this? Do you think I ask to many people their opinions?
Chinese restaurant. Waiter asks, you like live squid? I do in fact like squid, or calamari as I call it. I was not however aware that calamari came live, ever. I thought they were made like donuts.
I've noticed that when you look kinda funny, hard to pigeon hole. People will usually give you the PC friendly happy holidays greeting/ farewell, except for the Philipinos. They will wish an Hasidic Jew a merry Christmas , and throw in a Hail Mary Am I rite?
Agnus strange
Corona goon
Cromagnon
Toad.
Ultimate spinach
Geek is so mainstream chique clique it's fine to search for sexy elf. Not sexy elf costume, just sexy elf. Like what kind of elf? A gay elf? Or more correctly a bisexual elf, by which I mean a run of the mill Rivellon inspired Fay
"What if it's a girl?"
That is about the only time it's OK, to refer to a human child as "it". "It's a boy!", is fine printed on a cigar wrapper, but when you see a young Mum pushing a pram and enquire, "What is it?" - not so cool.
I wanna a new FakeBook.
One where I tattle about the douches I know on FB.
Video games have become applications. They have an expected GUI. Keep the mana bar bottom center screen. wtf.
So, when was it that we decided soldiers didn't need armour? We used to send them off to battle astride a steed in full plate, when all they were facing was a rusty old sword, a pine shield and maybe a mace. Now we dress them in cotton camo, seat them in a canvas roofed street legal Hummer and request that they stop IED shrapnel. The cop in the liquor store, most likely has more Kevlar, then our kids in Kandahar.
Why are Jews so funny, but their religion is so dark.
Talking out of your ass. Crazily difficult. Multiple operations, zoning violations. I didn't wanna live above or below people talking out of their asses. Are you you talking shit?
Think outside the pussy.
RL saves. Like just before you speak to that really hot girl, or guy, or hamster, or whatever you're into. Hit save.
All cats do is look around the room for the next thing to kill. Even when they seem affectionate with you, they're still just toying with their next kill. Who does that. Some serial killers play with their victims after death. We don't adopt serial killers into our houses.
At this age, I dont want a soul-mate, I want a coffee mate, and by that I mean a bunch of chemicals to throw into my coffee, not some asshole to drink coffee with.
Why we have all those nerve endings in our assholes. If we didn't we would never be able to tell a soft shit from a hard one.
The distinction between a hard shit and your ass blowing water is often the difference between needing a little more fibre in your bod and having e-Bola.
First cross donor skin graft. Guy is looking at some hole in his body and decides that this dead body over here doesn't need all that flesh.
If life is a gift it should come with a receipt. I mean what if it doesn't fit? I can't breath in this thing. Or for our Hindu friends, I already had this one.
Remember when you used to threaten to send an angry letter? And if you did you paid for that right to voice your opinion. Do they still have stamps, I mean that's still a thing right? It's so easy now with the Internet. Some people would say that's a good thing, it's opened opinions up to the rest of us. No, it's opened it up to every asshole too stupid to lick a stamp and address an envelope.
Band name: Quite Frankly Frightening.
Next time anyone asks where you're from: Val Royeaux, Orlais.
Because Mos Espa, Tatooine U.S. Just not believable.
Yes, blacks in America are second class's citizens. You are the by-product of that system. You will all ways be the product of that American equation. Just like a dumb white kid in Indiana will always be a slave to his job at Taco Bell.
They should star putting the antidote right on the food. I mean a bag of chops, an order of poutine should already include whatever miracle drug will lower my cholesterol / blood pressure. In fact the fuckers making thus 'crack" should pay for the drugs inclusion.
First period. Cave girl with blood dripping down her legs. She's ripe for the picking. Cotton or wool? Well wool most likely. If is wool what do Sherpa' use for condoms? So you shear them for pads and then skin them for skins?
I now pronounce you Man and Wife. Man and slave? What is Wifery? Subservient speech from a dead age.
Tens years into Christianity guy asks, '"so my wife wants to stick her finger in my ass" is that cool? Who would you ask? We are inventing this shit, there are no elders. T
Let's ask our kneaded, Jesus. Oh, he's dead. No, but he rose. Yeah but he apparently rose as a mute. "Hey, Jesus, your in my heart tell me what to do" wait for you're own conscience to tell you what to do. Wtf.
So, If your actually believe in eternal life, why would it be a sin to kill someone? Your moving them closer to God. Ahh, but you are then playing God. You're ruining his enjoyment of watching you suffer for seventy plus years.
What if that first life you ever extinguished, the bug you squished or the ant you fried beneath a magnifying glasses glare - defines you, categorizes you? You are a killer.
You preformed an act, you were a "dick". Yin. You either get fucked or you are the fucker. Stop being a dick, or stop being a pussy. Those are the only choices. Then the whole rant about why are pussies the ones that take it all in, the receptacles, but when you call some one a dick it's like high giving them. A compliment. Dicks make shit happen.
So a woman is knocked up for 9 months. She can't fight, she's useless in a mans eyes. But she can teach, and preach and shape the best generations thoughts. Pretty powerful.
Did any one ever put brick to mortar in Africa.
Gone just like that, like a vaporous fart.
So, when was it that we decided soldiers didn't need armour? We used to send them off to battle astride a steed in full plate, when all they were facing was a rusty old sword, a pine shield and maybe a mace. Now we dress them in cotton camo, seat them in a canvas roofed street legal Hummer and request that they stop IED shrapnel. The cop in the liquor store, most likely has more Kevlar, then our kids in Kandahar.
Why is there no undo in notes?
How messed is it that with a plane ticket, and the desire, I could be in a shit hole of a place within 6 hours, stare at their suffering and then jet back to Manhattan?. A regime that I've only ever read about in the Times. A reality I've never realized.
If we're all wrong, that's all right.
You may have noticed this (indicates pink rubber chick cancer band) on my wrist. My ex-wife had cancer last year, she's here tonight in fact (point out the bitch somehow ) anyways, I promised not to cut this off until the bitch died. .??
Why is it that when a writer dies mid-thought it's perfectly fine for a sub to step in and finish their work, but if a painter were to pass away mid-stroke, one would never consider bringing in another to finish their piece? Same can be said for composers. I say composers, because it's perfectly fine to bring in alts (if unfamiliar with that term go okay an MMO once ffs) to complete a lineup in a rock band. Cough, cough, Filipino Steve Perry.
You are not a "nerd" because you work at Staples and understood my reference to your being a "Red shirt" and surely the first to die. You are a dork, because I knew more about , what you're supposed to know about, then I care about.
I really don't think I'm superficial. Maybe midficial? A little ficial? Actually, barely ficial. Super models, they're superficial. They can afford to be. No one gives a shit if these people can do calculus. Hell, no one gives a shit if they can recite the alphabet beyond their bra size.
Me: What's that you're drinking?
It: Wine? (implied question marks and dizzy chick voice)
Me: Excellent. (tents fingers maniacally)
E smoking vs RL smoking. Here's your choices: do something you know will fuck you up, or something that might fuck you up. The reports aren't in yet on the later, but here's the lowdown. It's propylene glycol, a vegetable solvent commonly used in windshield wiper fluid, or as an additive to stop things like Popsicles from fully freezing or your mind from fully developing, and more importantly it's what creates stage smoke. And nobody ever took a fog gun and purposely put it to their lips and sucked on it like it was a?,..ya know what? there doesn't always have to be a succinct simile. Sometimes it's just what it is and you either get it, or ya don't. "So, I'm balls deep in this gorgeous blonde, and it's like,.." It's like being balls deep in a gorgeous blonde, I get it! Can we move on?
And frankly, I don't see how inhaling propylene glycol blah blah blah ...
One must always remember, there is no I in me, and no U in team, and no me in you, due primarily
to school board regulations and ridiculously tight clothing with far too many buttons and zippers and,..but there is a Q in hell. It's cool we can cut in line, I know the doorman.
I don't care if you want to stick your lead protagonist from Toy Story in my other main character from Toy Story. Your Woody in my Buzz Lightyear.
Ex halted plains ll 11 mobs.
I live as an unabashed mastrubator, er, bachelor. I knew it had an or., and it wasn't doctor.
Why I don't dust. We are dust. We came from dust. We return to dust. So maybe that's someone either coming or going. And even if it's someone going, if I leave it long enough it may very well become someone again. Or at the very least something.
